The CVC

I got my CVC put in today which pretty solidifies the process. A CVC or a Central Venous Catherter is a port installed in my chest to administer chemotherapy. Up to this point I could have pretended this was all a bad dream but today I woke up. I don't remember this process being as painful as it was. They gave me some drug that they called a cocktail that was supposed to calm me down. The only problem was this didnt kick in until after the procedure at which I fell asleep and...

Today is my Birthday

Ourselves

Do we really ever like ourselves? Sometimes I think that we try and make ourselves the best version we possibly can by absorbing bits and pieces of other people. Do we really like the way we react to certain situations? Is there such a thing as a poet? I write songs and poetry.

I am back now....

A conversation with a cynic

Why are so many people raised catholic so condescending about God. I was talking to a friend of mine the other day and the topic of religion came up. First of all, I am not a fan of religion. Religion is a made up word from a man. Most religions are a string from the roman catholic church and someone didn't like a rule so they made a new religion without it. God is God. The only way to know God is through a relationship. Just like any other relationship you have to talk to him and love him. Now that that is said I can continue. So anyway back to my convesation with my friend. He basically said that all religions are the same and that all Gods are the same God. Oh my gosh how dangerous this is. He said when you die your soul roams the earth because you cannot create nor distroy energy. He also said that he believes in Heaven and Hell...

The Cancer Dance...

I am about to start another wonderful round of chemo. I am so excited. The Dr wants me to do the last 2 rounds that I didn't finish last time. I am a little worried because the last 2 from last year were pretty rough. I remember going to the hospital to begin the treatment and then I wake up 5 days later not really knowing where I am. Its a scary feeling to lose days.
We had Easter at my parent's house today. It was a lot of fun. It's truly amazing to watch holidays through the eyes of a child. Sometimes I get glimpses of my childhood through my kid's faces and reactions. I was blessed to have a wonderful childhood. I hope to give my kids that same collection of memories that I have. I am so fortunate to know my gifts from God and to actually know how fortunate I am.
Sometimes when I tell people how blessed I am I get strange reactions. Sometimes people think this disease defines me or takes my joy out of life. It is quite the opposite. I take everyday life a gift and I have perspective that I never would have had without it. It's a given that I wish I could have learned this lesson without it but so be it. I am healed and I am just waiting for God to show me on his time. I will do my best to post more often and keep everyone in the loop. I hope to get more correspondence this time. Wink Wink.

It's been a while...