Art

To start I would life to say that these blog entries are to benefit no one except me. They are meant to allow my brain to offload some of what it has stored for that day. Some of the entries are meaningful and some are not. However they all help me be me.

I was sitting today thinking about art and those who make it. There are a whole group of people who call themselves "artists" who live a very different life. Forgive me but I am about to speak stereotypically of a group of people that may not deserve my ridicule. "Artists" can do lots of things that most of us can't and they do them in the name of art. They can stack trash or draw a stick figure and call it art when anyone could have done this. They can stop showering for days and it is supposed to mean something or some sort of rebellion. They think just because they are "artists" they can live behind this wall and be different from the rest of us. The wall is what I have a problem with. We are all afraid. We are all confused. Artists can hide behind walls of existentialism in order to make the world think they have figured it out. I won't conform because I am misunderstood and I am alone. The truth is we are all the same. We all are born with a hole. How we fill this hole is up to us. Some choose drugs. Some choose Money. Some choose pornography. Some choose art. The idea here is that it has to be filled. I understand art. I am a musician so I understand music and the wantonness of wanting to be unique. I am me. There are no more walls and no more beating around the bush. Life is too short

My wife...

I have been thinking on and on this past week about what to say. There are few times in this life when everything seems very right. For a split second you are in the right place at the right time and the world around you stops. It's a moment that is frozen and for the rest of time it is written in your face as part of who you are. This has happened only a handful of times and on time sticks out as the single point in time that my life changed forever. I walked in a room and saw my wife. They say you know the "ONE" when you meet them, Oh and I knew. I felt something I had never felt in my life. My life made sense. Butterflies were an understatement. All of the moments in my life that maybe cast a shadow of a doubt about my purpose were answered. I was put on this earth to love this woman. I was put on this earth to take care of her and now I know I was put on this earth to be the father of her children. I often try to think of interesting and poetics ways to tell her I love her. Sometimes are better than others and sometimes are just silly. The only thing she needs to know is that she is one of the only things in my life that is real. She is my first breath in the morning and she is my last breath at night. She is the breath I need when I can't find my own. She is the flicker of candle in a dark room. She is hope. She is my everything.

Tidbits...

I was walking down the sidewalk today near the building I work when I passed by a man. As I got closer he got more excited and began to figit and smile nervously. I knew what was coming next as I had heard it so many times before. Here it comes... here it comes..."do you have some change?", he asked. I was put out as I always am. I reached in my pocket as I usually do and found a dollar. I handed him this dollar and he said the only thing he could say. It was something he had always said. It was part of him. "God bless you", he said. All at once something occured to me. It wasn't from where in this man this was coming from. It really didnt matter how this message got to me. What mattered was where it hit me. How did a simple message like "God Bless You" hit me? Thats all that really matters. Too often we are so worried about the people delivering the message that the focus is off of ourselves and the message.

A day in the Life...

Sometimes I wonder if life is gonna get easier. I sit back and think of all the things going on and wonder if everyone has all of these problems. Cancer alone is mindboggler. It consumes my brain all the time not to mention when other things pop up and creates a whirlwind of stress. Sometimes I feel like I can't take this...Something has got to give...and then it happens. I see my children. I look into the eyes of something that God has graciously allowed me to create. I see hope. I see love. I see life. Its then and only then that I know my purpose. Despite anything that comes up I am on a mission. I will teach these angels the meaning of life. I am so blessed to know the meaning of life at such a young age. Chirst is the only thing we are supposed to learn. We are supposed to learn everything we can about him while we are here. God has given us so many pictures to learn from that we have no excuse not to understand. God is the father! Just as our fathers love us so much...that is how God loves us. He loves us the way we love our children. I don't about you but I love my children so much it hurts. I hurt when they hurt, I laugh when they laugh and I love everything they do. This is the picture God wants us to know and learn.