All kinds of things go through your head when you are battling cancer. I pretty much live at MD Anderson and the sights there unbelievable. They are certainly a reality check to someone who has never been there. I start Round 3 in a few days and once again I am scared. I know whats coming and I hate it with everything in me. I hate how I have to avoid my children for a few days. I hate how I can't remember certain things in the middle. Most of all I hate who I become. I fight with everything in me and I fear there is nothing left for anyone else. I push people away and don't mean to. I am very short and don't mean to be. I just cannot wait until this hurricane is over. I had a CT scan today and the Doctor will tell me tomorrow how the tumors are being affected. To be honest I hope and pray they are completely gone. That would be awesome. The hardest thing about this whole thing is my son Kaden. He recently started calling me Dad. I dont think I'm ready to be Dad. I just got used to Daddy. He is my best friend and he is only 2 and a half. All it takes is for me to look into his eyes and I lose it. I want to fight for him. I want to show him how strong "Dad" is. I want my son to witness a miracle.
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i've been sitting here trying to think of something to write and i'm at a loss. all i can say is i love you and i know youre strong and you will get through this. you are in everyones payers. when i first found out you were going to have to go through chemo again, i told your story to my roommate. the next day she said she had sent on your story to someone at her church from home, who then sent out an email to i dont know how many people asking for their prayers. those prayers along with your strength and willingness to fight will get you through this. i promise i'll come visit you soon.
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